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May. 20th, 2008 07:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
erdaI know a young woman who has had a very difficult life.
She grew up among various families who were very religious and very, very sex negative. Now as a young adult she is very unhappy with her sex life. I want to help her so very much but I'm at a loss. The whole thing of being unfamiliar with your own body and not taking pleasure in your sexuality is so outside my range of experience I don't know what to say to her. She doesn't read extremely well due to extreme deprivation prenatally and in early childhood so I don't know how to counteract all the negative stuff she's heard all her life. She needs exposure to positive views of women and sexuality, also positive views of PoC in general. Where might those positive views be for someone like her?
All the friends she has her own age are constantly bragging about their fantastic sex lives and making her feel worse. I think it's hellishly brave of her to admit she is unhappy and to struggle for her right to some sexual pleasure.
She doesn't feel comfortable talking to a therapist or to anyone in person but says she would talk to people online if she can stay anonymous.
She is willing to read and look at websites if they are not too complex.
Anyone have any ideas how to help?
She grew up among various families who were very religious and very, very sex negative. Now as a young adult she is very unhappy with her sex life. I want to help her so very much but I'm at a loss. The whole thing of being unfamiliar with your own body and not taking pleasure in your sexuality is so outside my range of experience I don't know what to say to her. She doesn't read extremely well due to extreme deprivation prenatally and in early childhood so I don't know how to counteract all the negative stuff she's heard all her life. She needs exposure to positive views of women and sexuality, also positive views of PoC in general. Where might those positive views be for someone like her?
All the friends she has her own age are constantly bragging about their fantastic sex lives and making her feel worse. I think it's hellishly brave of her to admit she is unhappy and to struggle for her right to some sexual pleasure.
She doesn't feel comfortable talking to a therapist or to anyone in person but says she would talk to people online if she can stay anonymous.
She is willing to read and look at websites if they are not too complex.
Anyone have any ideas how to help?
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Re: Also sent by sasha_feather
Date: 2008-05-23 01:40 pm (UTC)I only wish I could find some soft porn or romance type of stuff featuring African American women; I don't know how to begin to look for that kind of thing. She reads these urban romances, but from what I've seen of them the sex doesn't seem very female affirming, in fact they're kind of harsh. You know, tough, strong man comes in and ravishes woman who is helpless before his strength, that kind of thing.
Re: Also sent by sasha_feather
Date: 2008-05-23 02:08 pm (UTC)Terry McMillan (Waiting to Exhale, How Stella Got Her Groove Back) might be good!
(Sorry, bookstore veteran here!)