(no subject)

[erda]

I know a young woman who has had a very difficult life.



She grew up among various families who were very religious and very, very sex negative. Now as a young adult she is very unhappy with her sex life. I want to help her so very much but I'm at a loss. The whole thing of being unfamiliar with your own body and not taking pleasure in your sexuality is so outside my range of experience I don't know what to say to her. She doesn't read extremely well due to extreme deprivation prenatally and in early childhood so I don't know how to counteract all the negative stuff she's heard all her life. She needs exposure to positive views of women and sexuality, also positive views of PoC in general. Where might those positive views be for someone like her?

All the friends she has her own age are constantly bragging about their fantastic sex lives and making her feel worse. I think it's hellishly brave of her to admit she is unhappy and to struggle for her right to some sexual pleasure.

She doesn't feel comfortable talking to a therapist or to anyone in person but says she would talk to people online if she can stay anonymous.

She is willing to read and look at websites if they are not too complex.

Anyone have any ideas how to help?

Comments

[lilac-way.livejournal.com]

I wonder if the Go Ask Alice website would work? It's in Q&A format and covers both sexuality and relationships. The questions and answers are very short and to the point.

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/Cat6.html

[dancingwaves.livejournal.com]

Sent here through sasha_feather

Another great website (though not sure what level of complexity) would be another possible resource. They are here (http://www.a-womans-touch.com/index.php) and I have heard the person who does the Ask Dr. Myrtle responds to every email. She might also have some ideas.

Good luck. The fact that you are willing to help her is amazing ...

Also sent by sasha_feather

[antarcticlust.livejournal.com]

I strongly recommend Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (http://www.amazon.com/Our-Bodies-Ourselves-New-Era/dp/0743256115/ref=pd_bbs_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1211547308&sr=8-2) and also The Guide to Getting it On (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1885535007/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top). The former is a classic by, about, and for women, and the latter is THE BEST book on how to have a healthy sex life (emotionally and physically) that I have ever come across. It's thorough and covers everything from health issues to how to put on a condom. It's hip and irreverent enough to be fun, but it takes its topic seriously.

I would also recommend My Pleasure (www.mypleasure.com), which is a wonderful sex toy website that was founded by a doctor, who also does a Q&A on the website and has several "guides" to buying toys or other things, especially for first-time folks. There are also staff selections, and toys are organized by self-pleasure, couples pleasure, etc. It's a warm and inviting site and doesn't feel at all sketchy or gross.

[littlebutfierce]

Also here via sasha_feather. Maybe Scarleteen will have something useful?