(no subject)

Just got off the phone with dearson#2's therapist. God, the subtext of the conversations we have. Every single statement of hers seems designed to make me feel guilty. She has to keep going on and on about all the bad stuff that has happened to him and how unfair it is and how no one eve gave him a chance in life and how all he wants is to come home to the only family he ever had. And can't we bring him for another visit soon and on and on.  As if I don't know how much his life has sucked. As if  I think it's his fault.

The fact remains that love DOESN'T conquer all. Everyone here who knows ds#2 is terrified of him. Of course we can't know for sure who will end up becoming a murderer, but sometimes we can get a feel for the odds. Everyone who has dealt with him except this therapist he has now has felt the prognosis was lousy. Everyone here keeps telling me not to bring him back and reminding me how unbearable things were when he was here and my own brain tells me this is the scariest kid I've ever dealt with. More scary than the one the police broke my door down to apprehend because he was shooting a gun out the front window at 3am.  More scary than the one who tried to burn my house down.


But everytime I talk to her I am exhausted by guilt. I can't walk away from these conversations and go back to my life. She also tries to draw my son into these guilt trips, which doesn't seem that great for him.

And now I forgot my daughter's doctor appointment and I'm late.l Shit!!